There are times when we go on destructive patterns of behavior that hurt ourselves. Honestly, it is quite normal for everyone to go through this. When we are in this pattern, we are unaware our actions are hurting ourselves or others around us.
Once we recognize that these destructive patterns exist, it can be hard to break these habits if they have been part of our lives for a long time. To protect ourselves, we need to understand how our wants and needs both affect our own well being.
Wants
Wants are cravings we all desire to reward ourselves. This is what makes them so dangerous to indulge in. Rewards give us incentives to work hard and feel like we deserve it. They are meant to be small rewards but can easily spiral out of control without being careful.
Needs
The white cat sleeps under the
Needs are the basic foundations we all require in order to function properly each day. These include sleep, food, and social connection. These are all necessary. Without one of these supporting our foundation, our lives can feel incomplete and out of order.
The Foundation
If you picture a house, our needs function as the foundation, structure, and materials to make a home. Everyone uses their needs to start constructing the house in a style that most appeals to them. If we ignore even one of our needs, our house will begin to crumble and may even collapse. This is what happens when we do not give attention to our needs.
Give time to focus on making sure all of our needs are met. I encourage everyone to check in with themselves once a day on their basic needs. If they feel that something is feeling “off,” take action immediately to take care of yourself.
These actions can involve changing your routines or coming up with new ways to take care of yourself. The most important part after figuring out a solution is to implement it and check in with yourself to see if those needs still feel unmet.
After taking care of your own needs, you can finally pay attention to the wants. We need a solid foundation before we can even attempt to tackle our wants.
The Furniture
Our wants add to the aesthetics of the home such as furniture, paintings, and other decorations. It can look pleasant with the right interior decorations. The best situation for our wants is having the right balance of where we feel comfortable indulging at a level we feel happy with.
The balance of wants differs by the person so there is no “right” amount. One person may feel like eating ice cream once a week is a level they feel comfortable with while others may try to avoid sugar at all costs.
Write down a few wants and set a realistic threshold you think you can handle. Recognize your limits and accept what levels you will be comfortable with. After reaching this level, take steps to make sure that this pattern is sustainable long term.
Some people indulge when a special occasion happens to keep their wants to a minimum. Others set a weekly or monthly expectation to give a more predictable schedule. It is completely up to you to decide what you want.
I caution people from taking in too much. Too much furniture in a house can make it feel cluttered. This is what happens when we overindulge with our wants. The house can feel cramped and the wants can start to affect our own self-care.
On the other hand, a house that lacks furniture is unappealing to live in. It misses the warmth and feeling of a home. It makes our environment feel very dull. A long-term environment absent of warmth is unsustainable to live in.
Once you recognize in your life what is a “want” and a “need” in your life, you can start to figure out what is essential as part of your life. Recognize the routines that are harmful to your life and slowly make changes to them.
Steps
1. Recognize the basic needs you require to function normally.
2. Check in with yourself once a day to make sure your needs are met.
2a. If not, take action to fill those needs.
2b. Check in with yourself until those needs are met.
3. Recognize the wants you indulge in or want to change.
4. Take steps to reach a level of wants that you feel comfortable with.
If you enjoyed this article on how to protect yourself from self-sabotage or have any questions, please feel free to leave them in the comment section below!
Wen is a Certified Health and Wellness Coach who helped people change their behaviors. He brings experience from educating people about their physical health, nutrition, sexual health, and substance use. As a coach, he has worked with over one hundred clients in changing their tobacco use and had over five hundred conversations as a crisis counselor.
