Question: Can a person who’s really introverted and independent handle being in a relationship?
I will be answering this question in three different parts since they are all crucial to understand what’s important. I will be making certain assumptions but recognize that every introvert is unique in their own way so this may not apply to all. However, the strategies or skills I bring up may be helpful to any relationship.
An introverted person can handle being in a relationship. However, it may require certain expectations out of both the individual and the partner. One area is navigating difficult conversations. It will require both individuals to set aside a time to mentally prepare and feel comfortable having the conversation. If it is spontaneous, it is easy for one person to feel prepared while the other person was caught off guard.
1. Set a time and place to have a conversation.
It is preferable to have space where both of you feel comfortable.
2. One person speaks and the other listens.
Listen empathetically, reflect, and validate what the other person is saying. Your goal is not to convince the other person. It is to understand where they are coming from. Reflect what the person is saying in your own words. Avoid using “I” and “you” in your words. In addition, do not judge them for what they have shared.
3. Switch roles and allow the other person to speak.
Through practice, both individuals may feel more comfortable speaking up about their concerns without overwhelming the other person.
For independent people, I would say that it is possible but extremely challenging. A relationship involves two completely different individuals who have to learn how to compromise and sacrifice for each other. This independent person would have to evaluate how much of their independence they are willing to give up to make their relationship a priority. Their partner would also need to evaluate how much they are willing to give to the relationship. In addition, they must also meet each other’s needs for connection with each other. The recommended amount of time is fifteen hours a week.
Some suggestions:
- Bring your partner on your adventures. They can enhance your lifestyle and improve your relationship.
- Create space within your relationship for both of you to spend time by yourself
- Spend time in proximity to each other but do not necessarily have to talk with each other
For someone who is both introverted and independent, it is possible to handle being in a relationship. It just may require a combination of the above strategies to have a successful relationship. Here are some ideas for ways to improve your relationship:
- Plan ahead each week to spend some time where you give undivided attention to each other.
- When you require some alone time, request it but let your partner understand that it is not their fault and that you need it once in a while so you can be more present when you spend time with them. I would tell them it’s like charging a battery when they are low.
Wen is a Certified Health and Wellness Coach who helped people change their behaviors. He brings experience from educating people about their physical health, nutrition, sexual health, and substance use. As a coach, he has worked with over one hundred clients in changing their tobacco use and had over five hundred conversations as a crisis counselor.
